Lately I have really been struggling with what God’s plan is for my life. I think this primarily comes from dissatisfaction in my job, coupled with a high time commitment at work that prevents me from becoming more involved in activities outside of work (i.e. I’m burned out). I have given a lot of thought to cutting back at work, and have contemplated everything from a minor job change (same job, just different collateral responsibilities) to going back to school and completely changing fields.
I have spent a lot of time in prayer about this, and have looked in the scriptures and other Christian books quite a bit, but haven’t really found a solid leading about where I should go. However, today it struck me that I am slowing piecing the puzzle together:
1) I think I’ve been too focused on the long term. I have been worrying about what I should do with the rest of my life, and not focusing on things I can do right now. If I work for God today, staying in his will for my life today, and do that every day… Well, my life will work itself out, won’t it?
2) Awhile back I thought I would gain good insights about God’s plan for my life by taking a Spiritual Gifts survey. When I finished it, I ended up with my three highest scored (by far) gifts being: giving, faith, and wisdom (in that order). This frustrated me even more than before I took the survey. I felt that God was telling me to just sit back and give my money away while trusting that he’ll take care of the rest; not exactly what I was looking for with regard to my life plan!
So today, while I was staining our deck, I finally stopped sulking about my apparent lack of gifts just long enough for God to start working on me. I found myself (quite by accident) honestly considering what someone with the gift of faith can do. I started thinking about monks. Now, I think my wife and kids might have a problem with me quitting my job and moving to a monastery so that’s obviously out. So then I started thinking about what monks did (and perhaps still do???) They read, meditated on their readings, prayed and wrote about what God had reviled to them.
I still don’t know what God has planned for me in the long term, but the things that monks did, these are things that I can do, right now. Meditation comes naturally to me (part of my gift of wisdom I guess), and reading and praying is something that I try to discipline myself to do often. This blog gives me an outlet where I can write. I don’t know if anyone will read it, let alone benefit from what I write, but for now, I can do this, and trust God to lead me forward from here.
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” (
Matthew 6:34)
“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’” (
Jeremiah 29:11)